God Grief

On January 21, 2018, the world lost the most infuriating, maddening, beautiful, wonderful, full of life woman that I've ever had the pleasure and displeasure of having in my life.  For as much as my mother nagged and harped at me regarding my life choices, she also taught me so much about the life I have been living.  The issue is in the aftermath of her death.  I've come to learn who among those closest to me truly know me and who doesn't.  

In order to get the gist of my last sentence we need to first list all the default/cliche things people say to someone in their time of mourning.  

Friends: "It'll be alright."
Me:  No it is not alright and at this moment right now, I feel like it will never be alright

Friends: "It will get better over time."
Me:  I certainly don't feel that way.  Nothing feels better and it will never get better for me. If you knew me you would know the type of relationship my mom and I had and that her death will never get better for me.

Friends:  "Stay Strong."
Me:  I don't want to be strong.  And yes I know I have babies to take care of but right now I don't feel strong nor do I want to be.  Trying to be strong when I feel weak does more harm to my babies than good.

Friends:  "Just remember that your mom is now watching over you."  
Me:  Yes I know this but I'd rather have her here

Also unless you've lost a parent, don't ever say you understand what they are going through.  You don't and won't until you are in their shoes.  And the last thing you ever want to tell someone is to trust in the lord.  Now I believe in God but I'm mad at him right now.  Would anyone truly trust someone they are mad at?

When someone we care about is dealing with a great loss, the best thing you can say is a simple "I'm sorry", "I'm here when you are ready to talk" or simple be honest by saying that you have no words.  That is the best one to say because quite frankly there are no words that will make things any easier or better.

Everyone deals with grief in their own way and for me I don't do the cliche comments mentioned above, so to hear those close to me that claim to know me so well use those phrases, hurts to my very core.  They are better off saying nothing at all.  In fact that's true for anyone you know dealing with loss.